Not much, but...

A fifteen hour work day doesn't leave much to write about, but there is the....

T.S.D. Quote of the Day:

"I'd eat pussy if it had bacon on it!"

Thank you, Adam Nila.

BEARD UPDATE: 2 MONTHS

I want to poop... back and forth... forever.

I haven't been very up-to-date with my posting recently. As always, there is a slew of things going on right now which would never allot the time to be able to write about. I guess we can start with today.

We woke up early to go to the doctor. As it turns out, everything is a-okay. It was kind of weird. I had been to the exact same office for a urinalisys for a job (I think it was H.H. Gregg).

Then, I headed back over to her place and snoozed for about 2 1/2 hours before getting up for work. I feel kind of bad about the computer mess. In fact, I took a picture of it:
Now, I'm at work. T.S.D. Quote of the day: "We'll work something out for the kids to visit on the weekends, but I done told him he ain't gettin mah car." N.F.L. Sunday ticket campaign starts back up today. That means hella overtime for my ass. I'm amped about it to tell you the truth.

UPDATE: About an hour after publishing this entry, Garlena comes into the office asking if I would be willing to clean up a mess in the bathroom. Since I've graciously offered my skills of having a stomach made of steel, I complied. So, I was awarded the opprotunity to clean up some shit (yes, human shit) off the bathroom floor. I was hoping to get some Taco Bell out of it, but thus far no dice.

a while back, joey gaylor and i decided to get tattoos of each other's names on our bodies. i was just hanging out at corey's house and wanted to give him a tattoo. after hours of begging, he finally decided to allow me to do it. this was about 4 months ago.

eddie brock turning into venom

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/vine/showthread.php?t=519805

11-12-06 7:23 pm undercover cop

i guess vacation is in a couple of days

vacation will be good for me. jake and i are going to tennessee to see pappy and little xaeden. i'm not really sure if this is the best thing for me emotionally/financially, but i'm going nonetheless.

the hard thing is that all the little gaps between thoughts are filled with mike. not gears of war, not vacation, not even candace. i miss him.

the first full day that mike ward couldn't be a part of

the one thing that just keeps being mentioned is how asenine it is that such bad people are rewarded with life, but some "higher authority," deems it necessary to rob the world of good wholesome people. why does...

i guess this will just be a short entry. after pondering over the words "why does," for about ten minutes, my mind was flooded with far more thoughts than what my brain could organize into a legible entry. you get the idea.

hey mike. it's only been one day and i already miss you like crazy.

the last time i talked to mike

the last time i saw mike ward, we were in the office and i had come up with a fun "contest". first person who can find out what happens to zoo animals after they die wins a prize. so, mike takes it upon himself to look up the phone number for the san diego zoo (it was like 9:00 so we had to call a zoo that was still open). he suggested that i tell them the truth, that i was just sitting around with some buddies wondering. my idea was to tell them that i was a student writing a paper on ethics in the field of animal care. anyway, he gets the number, but i couldn't get past the automated message. then, he looks up a news article online and finds out exactly what happens to zoo animals after death. i swear that i had already looked for about an hour beforehand and found nothing. he finds the article and sends it to me on myspace. we did crap like this in the office all the time. he always had a knack for finding fun under any circumstances.

ps. if you want to know what happens to zoo animals when they die, check out my nov. 10, 2006 entry. this is the article he sent to me.

don't read too much into this...

i had written this entry and saved it as a draft, with intention on finishing the thought at a later point. honestly, it seems a little trivial considering what happened with mike (R.I.P.). looking back in retrospect, there are bigger things happening here. i honestly shouldn't be wasting my time with trivial problems like this. however, i do feel that it is important to take a good look at the status of my life leading up to this tragedy. i say this because i am pretty sure that my life is forever changed by it. honestly, one thing i can take from his death is the realization that life isn't what you make of it. you can do what you wish in order to make life more fun/interesting/exciting/etc. but life is something that we just ride along with. if life turns toward marriage, you'll get married. if life suggests that it's time to go to college, you'll go. if life tells you that it's your time to die, then life will pull your car over to the left side of that line and bring it all to an ending that we will all inevitably face. you see, i've realized that no matter what happens leading up the point of no return, as long as you go at the pinnacel of your life, that's all that matters. i keep telling myself that it's kind of a good thing that he went at a strong point of his life, before life for him had a chance to turn for the worse. i digress. the following paragraphs describe the state of mind that i was in just before mike's life was taken from him.


i work my ass off. i work hard. yet every day, i feel less and less that the home that i pay for is my actual home. i get bitched a for my dog, so i give her away. she was the main reason that i moved in. i moved in with lindsey and lance because they had enough room for my dog. then, they start bitching. they say that there's not enough room for her and start locking her in my room all day while i'm working. a bedroom isn't enough room for a dog. to add insult to injury, they bring home another dog, even though there was barely enough room for peanutbutter and bruizer. i digress... i give my dog to my dad (which i was assuming was out of the question or i would have moved in with him to begin with). next comes the bitching. they want me to do more dishes... dishes. i use, maybe, three dishes per week. i even clean and rinse them when i'm done. sorry, roommate. i'm not going to waste my time cleaning dishes that i don't use. i don't clean up after their dogs. sorry, i gave my dog away. my days of cleaning up doggie messes are over. i am truly tired of paying money to feel like a burden on my roommates.

then enters candace (and her new cozy apartment), my savior. i finally have a safe haven i could retreat to where i felt like nothing in the world could happen to me. we hang out, watch tv, browse the web, eat, sleep, etc. basically, she offered me a place to just go and be happy with her. it was great. then, just as i start to think that something is going to go just the way i'd have it, someone else decides to come in and start throwing shit around. apparently, the mere presence of a male is a little much for some people in this world to handle. basically, with the flip of a switch, i am no longer welcome in my own paradise. the one place where i feel comfortable/safe/loved/welcome in this world is no longer accessible to me. i understand that with some effort, i could "work" my way back in. i could be nice to this person who has made it so obvious that my mere existance is a burden. but then, what kind of situation does this create? she isn't dumb girl by any means. she knows, deep down, that she's unjustly made someone else's business her own. thus, she will then assume that my kindness to her could be translated into my attempting to weasel my way back into their place. even though i would never be that way, she would have no way of knowing it. i know that these problems may seem asenine, it just sucks to be cast out of a place that you love so much to begin with.

basically, i feel like i am welcome nowhere. i feel like no matter where i go, someone is going to feel uncomfortable. i could go to mom's, but jerry would have a thing or two to say about it. i could go to my dad's, but michele wants her own kids. i know she does. candace's is a possibility, but not until some serious effort is put into the relations between myself and her roommate. my home is still a carnival. the largest problem with this whole situation is that i just feel like i go so far out of my way to be nice to everyone. i always do the right thing, in every situation. it seems that jobless assholes who focus on nothing but taking advantage of every decent person in their lives have an easier time finding solace in the world than i do. *end

this journal entry was not finished. however, i would like to add that my time this week/weekend with matt and the crew was amazing. i found myself dwelling on this particular entry and began to formulate some new feelings about what "home" really is. i started to ponder the idea of "home" as a place within the person. we've all heard that home is where the heart is, and my heart is with the people that i love, not a free-standing structure on the west side of indianapolis. i'll have to elaborate on these ideas later. i miss you mike. i know that you'll be with me forever, bub.

R.I.P. Michael Travis Ward

Man killed in Hendricks county accident

this is the official report from www.wthr.com


Hendricks County - A Carmel man was killed Sunday morning on State Road 267 about two miles south of Brownsburg when the car he was driving crossed the center-line and struck another vehicle nearly head-on.
Michael Ward of Carmel was northbound on State Road 267 when his 2006 Honda Accord crossed the roadway and hit a Chevrolet Tahoe that was traveling southbound. Ward was removed from the vehicle and transported to Wishard Hospital where he was pronounced dead as a result of his injuries.
Ward was not wearing a seat belt and alcohol is not believed to have been a factor in the crash.
The driver of the of the SUV, Charles Page, and his passenger, Dana Page, both of Brownsburg were both transported to Methodist Hospital with minor injuries.
It is not known why Ward's car went across the centerline.

Mike Ward was my boss at teleservices direct in avon. he spent most of his sunday mornings visiting with his grandparents. i learned of his death at about 3 o'clock today. i really feel that it's still too early to describe my feelings because, frankly, it is just overwhelming. all i can say is that he was a good man who influenced all those around him. he had the ability to change the world around him without even realizing it. he had a pull on the way people talk, act, laugh, etc. i know that he will be missed and that he lived a life worth living. i will update again soon.

ever wonder what happens to oversized zoo animals when they die?

First, a necropsy is performed, and then the remains are cremated. The carcasses of all animals that die at the National Zoo—including those that wander into the park from outside—are brought to an on-site pathology lab for thorough examination. Zoo staffers identify the cause of death (if it isn't already known) and preserve tissue samples that might be important for research or education. (The zoo maintains an archive of formalin-soaked specimens from every animal that's died there since the 1970s; the Bronx Zoo has tissue samples dating back to 1920.) After the necropsy, Toni's carcass—which weighs thousands of pounds—was shipped to a lab in College Park, Md., where it will be incinerated starting Friday. The process should take about 24 hours.
Toni, like other elephants, is part of a national conservation program that has its own protocol for necropsies, as well as an updated list of which body parts should be saved. Instructions for elephant necropsies, for example, suggest a "chain saw, axe, or reciprocating saw to cut through the cranium" and "carts on rollers to move heavy parts." (Click here for a document that describes the procedure.) The elephant parts now in demand for research purposes include intact brains, eyes, and "two whole large thoracic ribs."
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Not all species are part of a national program, and not all zoos keep tissue samples from every single animal. Most of the time, parts are donated as needed. Scientists who study exotic species can ask a zoo ahead of time to save a certain body part or blood sample. The zoo's education department might also receive some excised parts. Docents could use a tortoiseshell or a patch of cheetah skin, for example, as a part of educational presentations. Natural-history museums often have a need for skulls and other bones; the Smithsonian (which runs the National Zoo) sometimes requests carcasses for their displays of taxidermic critters.
Laws on the final disposal of a dead animal vary from place to place, but incineration seems to be the most popular method. The first elephant at the Baltimore Zoo, Mary Ann, received an official burial in a Maryland graveyard when she died in 1941.

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